Few days back I think I came close to losing my license... Went for a drink with my friends at the pub like most Fridays, I had two pints over the course of about 4 hours because I knew I'd be driving. So I'm driving home and about half a mile from my place and I start to feel the tiniest bit tipsy, hardly noticeably but it's there... Why? Then it dawns on me I've basically skipped every meal since breakfast so the alcohols got nothing to soak it up... Oops! I'm close to home on a back lane so I slow down and head on. Then around the next corner... A bloody police check, they're stopping everyone... Just my luck!
Police guy knocks on my window.
'This is a routine drink driving check, have you had a drink today?'
'Yes.'
The cop sticks his head in my window, 'Pull over, I'm going to have to breathalyse you.'
So at this point I'm pretty worried, it doesn't help that my friend beside me is absolutely wasted... The policeman is a cocky bastard and he thinks he's got me too...
'I smell alcohol, I think you're drunk,' he says, examining a crack in my wing mirror as I get out of the car. (Like that before I got the car, I've never so much as scratched the paintwork.)
'That's my friend you smell, I'm not drunk,' I say. But I'm suddenly worried I won't pass the test and the cop can tell, he's looking as smug as a pig in shit.
'If you don't pass this, you'll lose your license,' He assures me with an air of confidence.
So I blow into the machine and for whatever reason it doesn't register.
'If it fails to register three times, or you refuse to blow, or you fail this I'm arresting you, you know?' He says, loving it. He knows in his heart he's already got me. So I blow again, second times a charm. We both stand watching the screen in tense silence as it analyses... My heart is thudding, I'm pretty sure his is too...
GREEN! PASS! FUCK YOU I WIN!
The cop is visibly upset. He tells me I must be stupid for drinking and driving...
'I'm under the limit, I'm fine,' I protest.
'NO, THERE IS NO SAFE LIMIT.' He knows he has lost, I've poured a bucket of ice water on his arrest boner.
'So... I'm free to go?'
'Go straight home and to bed,' he commands.
'Na, the night's young I might head into town.' I lie as I get back into the drivers seat. I look at my mate, a silent celebration passes between us... Eyebrows wiggling like excited maggots.
'Merry Christmas.' I say to the cop as I roll up my window. He does not reply. And we're away, off into the night, Bonnie and Clyde!
Anyway... the moral of the story is... Eat before you drink and get behind a wheel, even if you only have a pint... It was a honest mistake and it almost cost me my license... But also don't let power tripping coppers punk you.
