Google Play’s official Twitter gives us a totally accurate history refresher on Sonic the Hedgehog

 

You know it’s a slow news day when we’re talking about something like this. Sonic fans everywhere were shocked and confused yesterday, April 29th, 2024, when the official Google Play twitter account decided to give everyone an unhinged informed look back over the years at how Sonic the Hedgehog has evolved with time.

It all began with the above post claiming to show us Sonic as he got “older and older”. As you can see, this tweet was labeled with a community note telling us that the entire thread is inaccurate and does not, in fact, show Sonic getting older and older, while giving helpful links to Wikipedia for context. We’re off to a great start right here.

Take a seat and say goodbye to a couple of brain cells as we journey through Sonic’s aging process through the eyes of Google Play. Take a look past the break once you’ve steeled yourself. (Oh, and click the screenshots of each tweet to be taken to the actual tweet.)

EDIT: Google Play has since deleted the entire thread. Oddly, they have not posted a single thing in the two weeks since then. Post your conspiracies about what happened in the comments below.

Our journey begins in 1991, the year the world’s most famous hedgehog introduced himself and captured our hearts. So far so good. 1991 really is the year of the very first Sonic game, right? Well, there’s already a couple of oddities that stand out here.

Right away, the ever-informative community note shows us that, while this is the original Sonic the Hedgehog game from 1991, what we’re actually looking at is the 2013 Taxman/Stealth mobile version, evidenced by Tails’s presence. There’s more, however. The tweet reads “The cover?”. Is it “the cover”, Google Play? You tell me. Kinda reads off without any context. Second, it reads “The actual game? 8-bit GLORY.” Well, I must not be as well versed in retro gaming as I thought, because I could’ve sworn this was a 16-bit game. Didn’t the Genesis/Mega-Drive have “16-Bit” written right on the console in bold letters?

Okay, so that first stop on our history refresher of Sonic was a little off. Let’s go ahead to 1993, the release year of the amazing Sonic Boom game. Yeah, you remember that, right? In all its 8-bit GLORY.

So as the community note states, the version of Sonic we’re looking at there is from the short-lived Sonic Boom subseries, which debuted in 2014. We’re 21 years off from 1993, then. It also says Google Play may have confused this with the epic theme song from the US version of Sonic CD “Sonic Boom”, which did come out in 1993. Google Play also calls this Sonic “Short King” even though this is the tallest official version of Sonic to date. Look close enough, though, and you’ll notice something off about that image of Boom Sonic, like the fact he seems to have another hand grabbing his right wrist and his right thumb seems to be a bit too high given how that hand is positioned. The clouds seem awfully smeared too, like someone poured water on a painting that hadn’t dried yet. That’s a little unsettling.

Well, third time’s the charm, right? How about we jump ahead to 1996, the year Sonic started wearing MSCHF boots, whatever those are.

Once again, we have the community clearing things up, telling us that we’re looking at the version of Sonic from the Paramount movies, as portrayed in Sonic Dash, and neither of these things are from 1996. They’re not even close. They even tell us 3 official Sonic games that did actually release in ’96.

So that’s three for three with the poorly researched tweets. Now Google Play takes us to 2003 and says “Who needs running at the speed of light when you can hitchhike”. Putting aside the missing question mark for this obvious question, are they sure they don’t mean “Who needs to run at the speed of light”, or, more accurately, “the speed of sound”? I’m sure we all know that Sonic can break the sound barrier, but not the light barrier.

The community has come in clutch again, informing us that Google Play showed us a promotional image for the 2012 version of Sonic Jump and that neither this, nor the original Java version of Sonic Jump, released in 2003. This time, though, we also have a strange outline around Sonic’s right hand, where the sky is a different color than it’s meant to be. Well, we have the actual original image below and you can see that’s not meant to be there. In fact, the sky is a darker shade of blue and there are more clouds. What was the point of editing all that?

On to our next stop: 2006, where Sonic goes 3D again. Excuse me, but when was the first time he went 3D, Google Play? Cause I don’t think that happened in 1993, as you already seem to believe.

As you can see from both the image, and the community note, that screenshot is actually from Sonic Forces: Speed Battle (or whatever they’re calling it today), which debuted, not in 2006, but in 2017, alongside it’s sister game Sonic Forces. Even if they meant to show us Sonic Forces: Speed Battle, they picked a weird screenshot to show us, as Sonic is not shown up close, and the way he’s positioned, it looks like he’s floating slightly off the ground. The incomplete materialization of Shadow and another character behind Sonic and to his right also draws your attention away from Sonic. It’s almost as if these tweets were, so far, not written by a conscious human. Hmmmm…

Still with us so far? Here, we jump ahead 12 years to 2018, where Sonic is strangely looking like he did in the 90’s. Talk about retro. Talk about 8-bit GLORY.

Of course, the Twitter community has noticed that Google Play is, once again, showing us the original Sonic the Hedgehog from 1991. Well, of course a game that came out in the 90’s is gonna look like it’s from the 90’s, right? Still, Twitter did come close for once, as Sonic Mania Plus was a 90’s throwback Sonic game released in 2018, even if that’s not what the above screenshot is from. Of course, the community note points out that, before Sonic Mania Plus, there was the original Sonic Mania a year prior. Close, but no chili dog, Google Play.

We have now reached 2020, and as Google Play says “It was a strange time for us all let’s leave it at that”. So strange that they forgot to separate two sentences with a period there. Am I back in 2nd grade English class?

Of course, 2020 is when the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie from Paramount Pictures debuted in theaters, and later on streaming and home video, except that screenshot is from that movie’s 2022 sequel. They even scrubbed Tails and Knuckles from that screenshot. Did they think they could trick us with a fake Sonic Movie 1 screenshot? Why not just grab an actual screenshot from that movie? They had the correct year this time, and they still messed up.

Now it’s finally time to get off this crazy ride at 2022, where Google Play states that Sonic has healed from 2020, but isn’t quite the same, just like us, I guess.

You know who certainly hasn’t healed one bit and isn’t the same? Big the Cat. Just left of Sonic, you can see him smeared and cloned, which I doubt is how he actually appeared in this scene. While I couldn’t reproduce the screenshot, I have pointed out the oddity above. The community note also informs us that this screenshot comes from Sonic Prime season 3, which premiered this year, although they actually spelled Sonic with an m instead of an n. I guess the community might’ve suffered an aneurysm by this point, no thanks to the Sonic historians at Google Play.

Well, that sure was a wild ride, wasn’t it? It seems Google Play failed their Sonic history test to a spectacular degree and will have to report to Sonic Retro after class. Even the official Sonic the Hedgehog twitter took notice and couldn’t help but speak up.

Many seem to believe that Google Play had a AI write this entire thread. Others believe that Google Play’s social media manager may have deliberately filled this thread with as many inaccuracies as possible just to garner engagement and publicity in the cheapest, most lowbrow way possible. If the latter was the case, then mission accomplished, I suppose. After all, you’re reading about this catastrophe on Segabits right this minute.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Google Play got their Sonic history horribly wrong, as someone in the comments pointed out this tweet Google Play made way back in 2020. Maybe you’ll notice something a bit off there? But, hey, 2020 was a strange year for us all, so lets leave it at that.

With all that said, please tell us in the comments below your theories on what possessed Google Play to make these tweets with confidence. My money says an AI writing program was involved.

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