Sega reveals their return to the console race with the Dreamgen, powered by AI

The time has finally come, Sega fans. This news should excite those dedicated old school Sega fans who refuse to support anything Sega has ever done since they left the console race behind them 25 years ago.

It is with great elation that Sega have revealed they are finally re-entering the console hardware business with a sequel to the legendary Dreamcast console. The new Dreamgen will be entirely powered by Sega’s new AI system, Mother Brain, named after the omnipotent AI system managing the entire environment of the planet Mota in Phantasy Star II (1989). Dreamgen’s Mother Brain will play a similar role with the new console, and just like Phantasy Star II’s Mother Brain, it can always be relied upon to function as intended and never cause any major issues.

This announcement is way too huge for you to just have an AI summarize everything for you, so click on past the break below and read on. You don’t want to miss this moment for anything.

Sega’s new AI aims to be the most impressive part of this new console. Mother Brain will activate and listen to all of your input about what you always loved best about Sega, and then use its machine learning power to generate any Sega games your heart desires. You want a Skies of Arcadia 2, a Phantasy Star V, or a Sonic Mania 2? You want an HD remaster of Panzer Dragoon Saga? Want either to be made in a very specific way to cater to your personal tastes? Mother Brain can make that happen by generating the game of your wildest dreams and delivering it to you, hence the name “Dreamgen”. All it requires you to do is sign up with a Sega account if you haven’t already, pay a nominal monthly subscription fee, and provide scans of your face, your ID, your internet browser search history, your criminal history or lack thereof, your birth certificate, your dental records, and your genitalia and the games can begin.

What’s more, with the power of Microslop’s new Gaming Copilot, which they plan to debut in their own Xbox consoles soon, you’ll have the ultimate backseat gamer backing you up. Just as Microslop promises it can do on their own hardware, Gaming Copilot can answer any questions you have during the game. For example, if you were to ask “Where can I find the next ship piece in Toejam & Earl?”, “Can you remind me where I’m supposed to take my passenger in Crazy Taxi?”, or “What am I supposed to do when a bad guy punches me in Streets of Rage?”, then Gaming Copilot will answer you in real time without requiring you to stop your game. If you’re really hopeless, the Gaming Copilot can just take control of the game and play it for you from start to finish.

As for why I’m calling Microsoft “Microslop“, this renewed partnership with Sega has inspired the computer giant to take a page out of Dr. Eggman’s book and simply adopt the name Microslop, the name that the close-minded public who refuses to give their lives to AI has taken to calling them now. This way, the company formally known as Microsoft will turn Microslop into a name respected throughout the universe. So, yeah, they’re called Microslop now. Good call, Microslop.

Here’s what Xbox’s new CEO Asha Sharma had to say about this partnership:

“We are excited that our new Gaming Copilot AI assistant can continue the exciting potential of Copilot and bring a wonderful new experience to new-generation consoles. We are committed to bringing Copilot to all the major services that players love to enjoy their games on and on Nintendo’s new Dreamboy 2 hardware, we are also reaching back into video game history as we once again provide Capcom with our services for enhancing gaming.”

“Well, that’s all the time I’ve got. I gotta get back to my Dreamsaturn 3 preview hardware and play more of the new Crash Borderlands Adventure 3 game that EA has in development. I’m totally a gamer just like all of you. FR FR.”

In case you’re wondering, she actually said “FR FR” out loud.

Sega are also excited to announce they are partnering with Nvidia as well. Nvidia will be bringing their recently revealed DLSS 5 AI graphical enhancement tech to the Dreamgen, where it will continue to enhance the realism in your favorite games’ graphics, even in the games that aren’t designed with realism in mind.

Here’s what Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang had to say about this partnership:

“We are thrilled to be bringing our DLSS 5 AI enhancement technology to Sega’s new Dreamgen platform. Sega inspired us from the very beginning to push the boundaries of 3D rendering technology thanks to their classic arcade hit Virtua Fighter, and now we are excited to give back to them with a technology that has nothing to do with 3D rendering. However, we must never forget the respect we harbor for those artists who brought these games to life. We love them and getting consent from them almost as much as we love our shareholders.”

Finally, as part of this exciting development, Sega will delist every game they have ever released on other platforms. They are now suggesting that you have Mother Brain regenerate any Sega game that you previously enjoyed on another console or on PC if you wish to re-experience that game on Dreamgen.

Finally-finally, Sega has also announced that the Dreamgen will cost over $9,000 USD and that they have laid off almost as many employees, including the entire Dreamgen development staff. Mother Brain will now handle all Dreamgen related software and hardware development within the company. They will pass these saving onto you, the customer, by raising the price of the console and the monthly subscription higher and higher. Innovation always comes with a price, after all, so you better pre-order.

We cannot wait to see this new console powered by a triple threat of AI giants and I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. Are you as excited as we are? What games do you plan to generate with Mother Brain? Would you feel safe with Mother Brain tucking you in at night and listening in on your innermost desires as you sleep? Have an LLM generate some comments for you in the comments below.